Before You Say I Do

Wedding planners often know something that the bride and groom do not: the wedding is just one day in your life. Before you say "I do," are you realistically ready for years of marriage? So much time and thought go into the ceremony but how much thought have you put into what it takes for a marriage to work?

Before you say "I do," think about the following:

* Do you have your own life?

To have a strong marriage, it takes two strong people. If you are looking to be taken care of or if you need marriage to give you an identity, resentment is bound to come up on both sides. Do you have friends, work, passions, and purpose that is your very own? If you do, your partner is going to be very lucky to have you in their life.

* Do you have good boundaries with your family and friends?

After you say "I do," it is important that your parents, siblings, or friends do not intrude on your new life with your partner. Do they know when it is appropriate to visit, what their new role is in your life, and that you have a new priority? Some people get jealous when they lose your full attention. Be kind but draw the line. Designate times that are sacred with your spouse and do not allow interference.

* How will you work out your differences?

Before and after the wedding, it is important to not say angry things about your partner to those who are close to you. You may get over your spat but your family and friends won't. If you and your partner have recurring issues that you cannot work out together, get yourself to a counselor before the damage is done. Don't look to your family to work out your differences.

* Are you on the same page when it comes to religion?

Before you say "I do," have you determined where you will worship? Are you both in agreement on your spirituality? And if you have children, do you know what religion you will raise them in? Religion is an important issue that often goes beyond one's ability to communicate verbally what it means to them.

* What kind of lifestyle will you have?

Before the wedding, have you decided what kind of lifestyle you can realistically expect to have? This area usually comes down to finances and you both want to be honest about what you can hope to earn in the present and the future. If one of you has been raised in opulence and the other one has been raised to pinch pennies, you may both have a very different perspective about what life holds for you.

Before the wedding, and before you say "I do," you and your partner should ask yourselves the above five questions and see how close you come in your answers. This is not a perfect test but it is a good indicator of how your marriage will endure.

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