How Weight Affects Dating
|
Why are we consumed with our weight? Someone once said, “Half the world is starving to death, and the other half is on a diet.” We could say that about our country: half the population of women in the USA is starving while the other half is found to be obese. The condition of anorexia and obesity comes from the same place: a poor self-image. These weight issues are simply the opposite side of the same coin.
Many women do not want to start dating until they have achieved a different weight. They know they have blocks, but they don’t know what to do about them. If you feel insecure about your weight, first I would recommend a medically supervised weight loss/gain program (depending on what side of the coin you live on.) Following that, you might consider the following ideas:
1. Identify the inner critic.
Your weight and your dating can depend on your inner voice and what you tell yourself. Here is the engine that runs everything: what you believe and say. If you have a conflict about your weight, LISTEN to what you are constantly saying—to yourself and to others. Write down every negative thing that you think and say for one day. You will be amazed at what is running through your head and coming out your mouth. First of all, you wouldn’t talk to a wooden post the way you talk to yourself. It would be unkind. Your words are so scathing, the post would turn to sawdust. Second, no one ever got better by cruel criticism. Beating yourself up only leads to more feelings of unworthiness.
2. What are your particular traits?
Your weight can depend on if you are honoring your inborn traits. You were born with specific characteristics that make you the way you are. If you don’t recognize these inborn traits, and try to live a life without them, you will become depressed and take it out on your body in some way. For example, some people must be surrounded by nature. They are genetically wired to be outdoors, which renews them. If they are locked in an office cubicle and never see the sunshine during working hours, they lose their zest for life.
If you have an eating disorder, look carefully at your individual traits, and then look to see where you are not using them. For instance:
·Are you creative, loving to sketch, write, paint, or sculpt? Do you like to find new ways to solve old problems, but spend your time working at a job that never uses your creativity?
·Are you a people-person, loving interaction and conversation with all types of individuals, and yet sit at a computer continually working with numbers, never seeing anyone?
.Are you an intellectual, working at a job that is strictly manual labor, and are so tired at night, you don’t have time to read a book or a journal?
·Do you love quiet, silence, garden retreats, and peace-filled people, yet work in an environment where there is constant, unending noise and chaos?
·Are you a singer, actor, or musician, yet haven’t used those talents since you were in high school?
·Are you burning to be an architect, a botanist, or a film maker, but your parents talked you into being an attorney?
Ask yourself more questions like this and see if you can identify the missing trait that is not being honored.
3. What values do you believe in?
The amount of your weight and your dating can be linked to the degree to which you honor your values. Every one of us desperately believes in certain values. We unconsciously have standards that we feel are important. We tend to select friends who think the same way we do. If you believe in telling the truth, being open and honest about your business and social life, you cannot abide being around people who constantly lie to deceive others. If you are loyal to the point that you will be the last man standing to protect your friend, you will be deeply wounded if your best friend talks meanly about you behind your back. Search out your values. Did you lose one somewhere?
Why weight? Why is this one of our most common problems? Well, we do have to eat everyday. It isn’t something we can live without. It’s easy to slip into abusing food if it’s constantly in front of us. But if it weren’t weight, it would be something else. Until we recognize our damaging thoughts and heal the broken self-image, we will find a way to punish ourselves.
When it comes to your weight, the real message is this: you CAN do something. Listen for that negative voice and change it to words that encourage you. Look for ways you can rediscover and express your innate characteristics. And find and reinstate the missing value that is as important to you as air. If you want to shift your attitude about your weight, put some of these ideas in practice. Why wait?
For more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our Free Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer.
